Ashley (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} melodicharmony) wrote,@ 2007-03-02 15:45:00 |
|
Dawning Light
"These are the days of the Fast. Blessed is the one who through the heat generated by the Fast increaseth his love, and who, with joy and radiance, ariseth to perform worthy deeds. Verily, He guideth whomsoever he willeth to the straight path."
Baha'u'llah
Baha'u'llah
Today, I began the Fast. For the next nineteen days, I will, I have complete certainty, reach new heights of certitude and gain more awareness of how to teach the Cause. I feel, at the moment, beyond amazing.
Last night was a lovely Feast. The upper west side all gathered together. I gladly shared a story about "soul food" - the Sunday morning reading and discussions Luke, Joe, and I have been doing. The Feast was a mixture of things to me. For while I had been preparing when and where and how to break Fast each day and what prayers to read, I still found myself wholly unprepared for the spiritual aspect of fasting. After Feast I suddenly was terrified. I took the subway back to Broadway with Sonya, Tara, and Nick, talking enthusiastically about the next 19 days but secretly overcome with the reality of it. When Nick and I parted to grab a late dinner, I found myself confessing my bewilderment and fears over Thai food and wishing suddenly I had another week to prepare. Nick gave me a compilation of prayers and writings about why we need to do Obligatory Prayer and Fast, and it has proven to be exactly what I needed. I embraced him for a long time, postponing sleep that makes it all the more real, but I found myself, after reading the writings and praying for awhile, finally drifting into a very short night's sleep - 2:30 AM to 4 AM.
At 4, I woke calmly and read a morning prayer, then paged through the fasting compilation and had a bit of oatmeal, juice, coffee, and water. Around 5 I dressed and packed to leave for Luke's house in Harlem. It was dark and pouring rain outside. I arrived and the two of us alone, for Joe could not make it, cooked up some scrambled eggs and oatmeal and cut up a few grapefruits. As the sun rose, we ran for our last glass of water, then sat in his living room and read a few prayers. I was originally planning on leaving just after prayers, but fortunately we fell into conversation, then watched an hour long video on William Sears and his wife retelling stories of the their travels and of Abdu'l-Baha and Baha'u'llah. We listened to some piano music he wrote, talked for a long while, both fell asleep on his couch. He awoke to smile over at me paging through Tablets, then suggested we listen to a bit of Abid Taherzadeh. It turned into two hours of listening to that wonderful teacher of the Faith interspersed with short naps and telling stories, dreams, hopes for the Fast and for the Future. Luke is planning on reading the Dawn Breakers and trying to take a step back from his busy lifestyle. I have to say, napping, praying, discussing, listening with my beautiful friend was the best way I could possibly imagine starting the Fast. I didn't leave until half past noon. We needed this time together. He terms playfully our next few months as "intense spiritual companionship" together. I'm hoping we continue to grow off of each other's spirits throughout the next 19 days.
I had been planning on taking today as a complete day of rest, refusing to study until tomorrow. So after I walked out into the post-rain sunshine seven hours later, I went to Nick's place, where I am currently writing this entry. He comes home from work soon. I prayed and started writing a review of my spiritual journey, which I'll post shortly after this.
Tonight I am hoping to go out for Persian food to break fast with a big group of people I don't see nearly enough of. I'm feeling surprisingly energetic, not very hungry or thirsty, and actually very refreshed and relaxed. The fears of yesterday have for the most part subsided and have given way to gratitude and contentedness.
Luke, goal-setter that he is, inspired me to set a list of goals myself. I would like to memorize a Hidden Word each day, say a long prayer (such as one of the fasting prayers, Long Healing Prayer, and the like) and read a Tablet a day. There are many other things I plan on doing, like starting the Dawn Breakers, beginning some readings of Abdu'l-Baha, and breaking fast with people I have been wanting to get to know better. I really needed this Fast. My life has been chaos so it comes at a perfect time for me, an incentive to stay on a spiritual track and hopefully to grow and develop as a Baha'i, as a woman, as a soul-bearing human being.
Today's Tablet was Words of Paradise.
Today's Hidden Word:
Last night was a lovely Feast. The upper west side all gathered together. I gladly shared a story about "soul food" - the Sunday morning reading and discussions Luke, Joe, and I have been doing. The Feast was a mixture of things to me. For while I had been preparing when and where and how to break Fast each day and what prayers to read, I still found myself wholly unprepared for the spiritual aspect of fasting. After Feast I suddenly was terrified. I took the subway back to Broadway with Sonya, Tara, and Nick, talking enthusiastically about the next 19 days but secretly overcome with the reality of it. When Nick and I parted to grab a late dinner, I found myself confessing my bewilderment and fears over Thai food and wishing suddenly I had another week to prepare. Nick gave me a compilation of prayers and writings about why we need to do Obligatory Prayer and Fast, and it has proven to be exactly what I needed. I embraced him for a long time, postponing sleep that makes it all the more real, but I found myself, after reading the writings and praying for awhile, finally drifting into a very short night's sleep - 2:30 AM to 4 AM.
At 4, I woke calmly and read a morning prayer, then paged through the fasting compilation and had a bit of oatmeal, juice, coffee, and water. Around 5 I dressed and packed to leave for Luke's house in Harlem. It was dark and pouring rain outside. I arrived and the two of us alone, for Joe could not make it, cooked up some scrambled eggs and oatmeal and cut up a few grapefruits. As the sun rose, we ran for our last glass of water, then sat in his living room and read a few prayers. I was originally planning on leaving just after prayers, but fortunately we fell into conversation, then watched an hour long video on William Sears and his wife retelling stories of the their travels and of Abdu'l-Baha and Baha'u'llah. We listened to some piano music he wrote, talked for a long while, both fell asleep on his couch. He awoke to smile over at me paging through Tablets, then suggested we listen to a bit of Abid Taherzadeh. It turned into two hours of listening to that wonderful teacher of the Faith interspersed with short naps and telling stories, dreams, hopes for the Fast and for the Future. Luke is planning on reading the Dawn Breakers and trying to take a step back from his busy lifestyle. I have to say, napping, praying, discussing, listening with my beautiful friend was the best way I could possibly imagine starting the Fast. I didn't leave until half past noon. We needed this time together. He terms playfully our next few months as "intense spiritual companionship" together. I'm hoping we continue to grow off of each other's spirits throughout the next 19 days.
I had been planning on taking today as a complete day of rest, refusing to study until tomorrow. So after I walked out into the post-rain sunshine seven hours later, I went to Nick's place, where I am currently writing this entry. He comes home from work soon. I prayed and started writing a review of my spiritual journey, which I'll post shortly after this.
Tonight I am hoping to go out for Persian food to break fast with a big group of people I don't see nearly enough of. I'm feeling surprisingly energetic, not very hungry or thirsty, and actually very refreshed and relaxed. The fears of yesterday have for the most part subsided and have given way to gratitude and contentedness.
Luke, goal-setter that he is, inspired me to set a list of goals myself. I would like to memorize a Hidden Word each day, say a long prayer (such as one of the fasting prayers, Long Healing Prayer, and the like) and read a Tablet a day. There are many other things I plan on doing, like starting the Dawn Breakers, beginning some readings of Abdu'l-Baha, and breaking fast with people I have been wanting to get to know better. I really needed this Fast. My life has been chaos so it comes at a perfect time for me, an incentive to stay on a spiritual track and hopefully to grow and develop as a Baha'i, as a woman, as a soul-bearing human being.
Today's Tablet was Words of Paradise.
Today's Hidden Word:
O SON OF LOVE!
Thou art but one step away from the glorious heights above and from the celestial tree of love.Take thou one pace and with the next advance into the immortal realm and enter the pavilion of eternity. Give ear then to that which hath been revealed by the Pen of Glory.
Thou art but one step away from the glorious heights above and from the celestial tree of love.Take thou one pace and with the next advance into the immortal realm and enter the pavilion of eternity. Give ear then to that which hath been revealed by the Pen of Glory.
