Ashley (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} melodicharmony) wrote,@ 2006-12-25 20:07:00 |
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Never Stop. Just Turn The Wheel.
... things always get interesting. But I'm building up extraordinary buffers to the swings of life. The first is setting on fire the spark of creativity dwindling in my heart, and it's taking soar, and it's bringing me closer to where I want to be...
This means practicing music, reading, writing, listening to new bands, opening my eyes to absolutely everything I can see in front of me. It's unbelievable the affect these things have on me. I find myself much more prayerful during my daily prayers, much more into my reading the Writings every morning and evening, much more intrigued by every person around me, more focused on their qualities and virtues and able to forgive and turn from what faults they may have. We're all flawed, after all.
Creativity is my buffer. Let it burn.
That said, my time in Maine is proving to be chock full of surprises and things to do and people to see, just the way I wanted it. Saturday I visited Hami, and it turned into a very long day hanging out with him. His conservative family worries about us hanging out alone, they have very tight rules on these things, and don't realize how sibling-like our relationship is. But no matter, I will try my very best to respect his family's rules and still see Hami. I got to see his father, and give him a kiss. He seems to be in good spirits. All he said to me that day was "Thank you" while giving me a hug. I don't even know what he was thanking me for. Such a nice, kind hearted man. Hami and I ended up hanging out with his old frat brothers. It was odd for me, to be the only one not drinking, to be listening to some very crude albeit pretty hilarious frat stories, but nice to just be in a vacant old house and just rewind. I left for awhile in Hami's car and prayed in a parking lot, and felt a lot stronger after that. Had a fight with my father, a huge one, but I won't dwell on it, because it was quickly resolved the following morning. Needless to say I stayed out very late when he was very angry, and got a ride home from one of Hami's frat brothers, while my father picked up my poor broken car from the Maine Mall parking lot.
Sunday I went to my eldest sister Dana's house, and gave them a poem I wrote, which they seemed to enjoy. We had a huge dinner and a very lovely time. I didn't talk any more about being a Baha'i to her, but mentioned the fast in the midst of a joke, and she laughed and seemed to accept that I would be fasting without questioning it. Overall, a nice time. I mentioned that after reading some interesting theories on vegetarianism that Gandhi wrote I'm considering it... so yes... I'm considering becoming a vegetarian, or at least, stopping buying meat myself and only eating it when I'm a guest in someone's house and they make meat. I don't know. I'm thinking about it.
I switched the language I'm going to learn to French, for a very important reason. When mentioning Italian to my father he said to me, "What use do you have for that? Your grandmother always tried desperately to get you to learn French." I didn't know how badly she had wanted me to learn, but apparently she was very disappointed when I first chose German, and then chose Latin, and turned away from her (and my father's) native tongue. So, after all of this, he added that if I learn French I will be able to stay with French-Swiss relatives and use their homes as a base to travel Europe without having to pay for boarding, since he knows I want to see more of the world but have very little money. So, after all of this, French it was, and I picked up some cheap instant immersion software, and am saying silly little phrases to myself late at night before going to bed.
Today was Christmas, and I received many lovely, lovely gifts. I adore my new charms, I'm going to have them put on my bracelet on Wednesday. Charms are always my favorite gifts, because they're so hard to find these days, so when anyone puts the effort in to get the right charm for me, I always am so grateful. I might try to find a little nine-pointed star when I'm at Green Acre on Thursday. Anyway, everything was fantastic. I went to my step fathers house this evening and we did a gift exchange, and my brother convinced to bounce on a trampoline with him. He brings out the little girl in me. I adore my little brother. I saw he had a few bibles in his room. I had no idea! I told him how excited I was to see that as I listened to him play the guitar (he's making such progress!). I ended up leaving him some Baha'i literature. I didn't know he was seeking spirituality... I wish him all the best on his spiritual journey. He's fourteen.
This entry is long enough to be three!
I better just leave it at that. Tomorrow bright and early my car is being brought in to the shop, and I will probably try to catch up with old friends, see Tracie, start reading one of the new novels I got for Christmas... and go with the flow.
On a final note: the strangest movie made me cry today. It's called Harold and Maude and it's about this boy that can't be more than 20 falling in love with an 80 year old! But somehow the movie just left me in tears. At the end there is this huge sweeping metaphor of throwing off our obsession with death and LIVING. It just is so true. I don't fear death quite as much these days. I sit in meditation and I feel more alive as I come to understand what is going to happen to me. So I'll live while I'm here, as much as humanly possible.
Sunday I went to my eldest sister Dana's house, and gave them a poem I wrote, which they seemed to enjoy. We had a huge dinner and a very lovely time. I didn't talk any more about being a Baha'i to her, but mentioned the fast in the midst of a joke, and she laughed and seemed to accept that I would be fasting without questioning it. Overall, a nice time. I mentioned that after reading some interesting theories on vegetarianism that Gandhi wrote I'm considering it... so yes... I'm considering becoming a vegetarian, or at least, stopping buying meat myself and only eating it when I'm a guest in someone's house and they make meat. I don't know. I'm thinking about it.
I switched the language I'm going to learn to French, for a very important reason. When mentioning Italian to my father he said to me, "What use do you have for that? Your grandmother always tried desperately to get you to learn French." I didn't know how badly she had wanted me to learn, but apparently she was very disappointed when I first chose German, and then chose Latin, and turned away from her (and my father's) native tongue. So, after all of this, he added that if I learn French I will be able to stay with French-Swiss relatives and use their homes as a base to travel Europe without having to pay for boarding, since he knows I want to see more of the world but have very little money. So, after all of this, French it was, and I picked up some cheap instant immersion software, and am saying silly little phrases to myself late at night before going to bed.
Today was Christmas, and I received many lovely, lovely gifts. I adore my new charms, I'm going to have them put on my bracelet on Wednesday. Charms are always my favorite gifts, because they're so hard to find these days, so when anyone puts the effort in to get the right charm for me, I always am so grateful. I might try to find a little nine-pointed star when I'm at Green Acre on Thursday. Anyway, everything was fantastic. I went to my step fathers house this evening and we did a gift exchange, and my brother convinced to bounce on a trampoline with him. He brings out the little girl in me. I adore my little brother. I saw he had a few bibles in his room. I had no idea! I told him how excited I was to see that as I listened to him play the guitar (he's making such progress!). I ended up leaving him some Baha'i literature. I didn't know he was seeking spirituality... I wish him all the best on his spiritual journey. He's fourteen.
This entry is long enough to be three!
I better just leave it at that. Tomorrow bright and early my car is being brought in to the shop, and I will probably try to catch up with old friends, see Tracie, start reading one of the new novels I got for Christmas... and go with the flow.
On a final note: the strangest movie made me cry today. It's called Harold and Maude and it's about this boy that can't be more than 20 falling in love with an 80 year old! But somehow the movie just left me in tears. At the end there is this huge sweeping metaphor of throwing off our obsession with death and LIVING. It just is so true. I don't fear death quite as much these days. I sit in meditation and I feel more alive as I come to understand what is going to happen to me. So I'll live while I'm here, as much as humanly possible.
